• Bessie M. David

Label Me or Love Me - Imposter Syndrome

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? How do you feel? Is the reflection a reality or a perception. Is your hair blonde or pink? That should be a definite, right? I mean, it is or it isn't one of those two colors. The reality is the perception. Someone else looks and sees pink. I look and see light pink. He looks and sees mauve. You look and see dark roots and dry ends. We have all just placed a label on you. The girl with the pink hair. That perception continues. That girl with the pink hair must be really fun. That girl with the pink hair looks weird. That girl with the pink hair is very fashionable. You look again and think, that girl with the dark roots and dry ends is stupid or lazy or fooling herself with that pink hair.

We all know that reality is perception. It's different for everyone because everyone is different. Sure we share beliefs, emotions, likes and dislikes. We also label everything and everyone. Knowing what something is by placing a label on it has become a catch 22. Our entire existence relies on attaching a label to everything in order to communicate and understand.

That last thought reminded of a poem I wrote in 1978. Mind-fuck had not been coined nor had imposter syndrome. I was 17, emotionally lost and insecure. I was a straight-A student with street smarts, good genes and I was polite and respectful, but it was at a time when my perception was 'off'. I'd like to share that poem before I continue.

Why is a rose a rose? Why not call it a bird?

Why can’t love be hate and life be death?

Who said it had to be this way?

Why is life the way it is? Life…..who said it could be?

Will it always be the same?

It is one big circle of thoughts and questions, but where are the answers?

Why am I me and you are you?

Why is she black and me white?

The world is filled with many wonders.

Can we ever change it? Should we change it?

Someone ought to know the answer.

I believe those questions are still relevant and possibly resonate with many young people. Thirty years have gone by and we still question our worth, our abilities and our purpose. Some things never change.

Below is a post by my daughter. She lives in NJ and I'm in Texas. She's a grown woman with her own life of responsibility, friends and loves. I'm often reminded of how similar we are while still being very different.

Different, I believe only in circumstance. As women, we are very much the same. As humans, we are very much the same.

In the words of Alice Cooper, "Only women bleed". There's truth to that and as a woman I can only identify with what it's like to be a woman.. However, as a 57 year old woman, I know that both men and women fight their battle against an invisible judge of our character and our purpose in life. This I believe is where faith in whatever God we worship is where our strength lies.

Posted by Anatalie David

October 18, 2018

I don’t tend to talk about what’s going on inside my head a lot. I grew up doing theatre and grew up in the south, thus I grew up believing that you put a smile on your face and leave your shit at the door. Because if you smile the audience smiles *applause, applause*👏

I don’t say I’m depressed or bipolar, or have an anxiety disorder. I don’t say it, because I try to deal with it on my own. I don’t say it, because days like today I’m overall happy and enjoy everything around me. But there are times of darkness, times of despair. Where I feel absolutely worthless. I question my worth both in my professional and my personal life. I question the success of my business and career, do I even deserve this. I emotionally eat these feelings which inadvertently make me even more depressed. I struggle with being good enough, whatever good enough even means.🌞

When I was attending @ember_retreat I met @dawnbradleyhair she spoke about imposter syndrome and she also had the same mindfuck emotions I had. Hearing someone else talk about the crazies (what I call the little bitch voices in my head telling me I suck) made me realize I’m not alone. It’s ok to talk about these struggles.

And then someone posted this picture of me from the retreat.🌴 I was immediately transformed. What was I beating myself up about? Look at you girl, look at you! Living your best life in Palm fucking Springs. You were there to make your business better, your career better, your team’s career better. You did that! You made that happen!💖

It’s hard sometimes being a solopreneur, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. You don’t have anyone to share the heartaches with. But I’m reminded I’m living MY dream, my destiny. No one else. The pains are real and they won’t go away, but this picture reminded me, there is something over the rainbow and it’s worth the storm. Thanks @dreamydesert for this reminde.r 💖

Posted by Bessie David

October 20, 2018

Well what do you know, I too have been experiencing, “What do you call it? 'Imposter syndrome’. I had a conversation yesterday about ‘labels’. There’s a silent struggle amongst us with labeling. “Label everything and everybody.” “Don’t put a label on this or that”. The whole word is in a mind-fuck, as you put it my intelligent child. As always, your words speak to us.

I too have been feeling down and out, depressed, sad & lonely, sick & tired. Call it what you will. For me it feels like I have no passion. However last night I sat by myself at a restaurant watching the Astros, drinking hot Arabian tea (because I needed to stay awake to pick my husband up at the airport) and I was smoking a Hookah. Something most people don’t know about me; but I enjoy it. I seldom indulge, but last night the stars aligned and here I was.

(Not a recent photo, just a photo with a Hookah)

My son was not where he usually is on Thursday nights. Two of my good friends who live close by were not available. I had time to kill, I needed to stay awake and I needed to feel passion.

With my good friend on the phone I sat outside my favorite Hookah Bar & Restaurant in the unusually HTX cool breeze, and shared the insecure feelings and problems which have been pent up for so long. It was a good feeling to let them out. I’m always the motivator, the full glass kind of gal. I consciously and unconsciously try to make everyone I come it touch with feel better about themselves. I’m a sounding board and a good listener. This is who I am. It happens naturally and I don’t have to try. That’s why insecurity, doubt, and mind-fucking come for a visit.

It’s a feeling like much like a tsunami:

A tsunami is a series of waves generated in an ocean or other body of water by a disturbance such as an earthquake, landslide, volcanic eruption, or meteorite impact.

A mind-fuck is a series of impressions and influences generated in your mind by an upheaval of emotions (earthquake), a vibration of negative energy (landslide), an explosion of doubt (volcanic eruption), and a collision of self (meteorite impact). The end result is a tidal wave of negative energy (tsunami) drowning the landscape of the life you have created for yourself.

It doesn’t matter that you worked hard, treated others fairly and many times neglected yourself in the process. You did so with pure honesty, passion and a need to make the world a better place. The tsunami can easily destroy it all in a wave of overstated, amplified unrealistic intention.

It looks as though the apple doesn’t fall from the tree. When I look at my children and their accomplishments, I am amazed. Me more than anyone knows the road they traveled.

As I get older and try to understand the pride my own mother has for me and my siblings, I understand. We look at one another and make judgement on what we see at that moment. We seldom take into account where they started and all the little things they did to be who they are.

We are each hard enough on ourselves, we should try to be the person or persons who inspire and remind others how great they really are.

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